The Bike and the Seesaw
A supervisee asked me recently, “How do you maintain work/life balance?”
As soon as she said the words work/life balance, I smiled and thought,
Here we go!
I get asked a lot about work/life balance. The question comes up in therapy, supervision, even over coffee. People sometimes assume I’ve figured out the secret — maybe because I can come across as balanced, or because I tell the truth, whether I'm balancing or tipping toward the void. I'd say what may seem balanced in me is more likely grounded. And to me, groundedness isn’t the same as balance. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever found “balance” the way we usually mean it. What I have found is something else…
“Honestly, I don’t,” I said. “I haven’t found a way to maintain balance. I tried. So hard. I found that trying to maintain balance was like trying to keep a seesaw perfectly horizontal. It isn’t made for that. To try and keep it horizontal would be against its design.
For me, I see my life as ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and seasons. Sometimes I have lots of energy and can see all the clients, write, cook, clean, talk to all my friends and family, create, and dream. Sometimes I want to rot in the couch while eating a family size bag of Sour Cream and Onion potato chips while binging good TV and wrapped in a quilt burrito. What helps me in the Summer doesn’t in the Fall. What supports me in the Winter misses me in the Spring.
I’m a moving target, even for myself. Caring for myself is a present moment mission
Balance is more like riding a bike. It’s the forward momentum that keeps the bike balanced. When I’m riding a bike, I’m not thinking about staying balanced. I’m paying attention to the trees flying by and the clouds in the sky. I’m feeling the wind whip through my hair and listening to bird song and cicada song. I can ride up hills and turn corners, cross puddles and hop speed bumps - up and down, left and right, turning and braking and adjusting in the moment to whatever the adventure brings.
I suppose I’m learning how to stay with what is currently happening in my life. Balance is perspective, maybe. When I’m enjoying the ride, it seems my balance is just right.
So when people ask me about balance, I smile — not because I’ve mastered it, but because I’ve stopped trying to hold the seesaw still. Balance, for me, is more like a ride than a pose: messy, alive, full of forward motion and surprise.
This is Part One of a little three-part series I’m writing on balance, control, and unpredictability. I don’t know exactly where it will take us, but I’m glad we’re riding together.
Tribue Honorem ⚔️,
